I can feel the temptation rising in my veins. I need to break free, to run, to move, to shake. I am thinking of things I know I shouldn't. I pick up my phone, I ring and he doesn't answer and I breathe a sigh of relief; even though I called, I wasn't so sure I wanted to talk to him, REALLY talk to him. I feel like I'm in a never-ending loop of sleep; up ever so late, sleeping ever so late.. Waiting, anticipating, for I'm not sure what.
Reliving his fingers inside me last night; I feel ever so stupid but I do feel alive. Every so often I NEED to break free from my constraints that I put so heavily upon myself, and just accept the fact that I need to be human. Sometimes.
Part of me craves the human affection I believe I need right now.. and the biggest part of my brain screams, RUN AWAY, now.. I am happy on my own.. I think. I have been told recently that I'm a commitment phobe.. I think this is true but my reasoning behind this is one of self-loathing.. I can't let anyone else in until I love and know myself completely and I don't see the huge problem in this.
I am self aware enough now, to know I need this time to be alone.
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