I Got You, Babe.

WOW - its 2011! Already. Can't believe it. Hate how fast time flies. My year in review? Could hardly put it all in a post on here but I'm going to try; my boy keeps telling me to start writing again - its been a while so here goes..

Currently like one billion degrees outside, sitting on couch in very thin white bonds singlet sweating my 'ahem' box off. It's the 10th of January, A MONDAY (ewww) and its bout 25 past 3 in the afternoon. I am about to get up and make another coffee, and light another smoke, and continue writing until something in my soul gives; I need to purge like a bulimic who has just eaten two devils food cakes. Desperately. 

But for now, a little update..

Listening -   I have had Eminem's Recovery album on repeat, for a few months now. I love it, as it is different to his regular stuff, more RNB vibe rather that hardcore rap, but I'm still an old-school fan. Pink and her greatest hits album - one track on it I have fallen in love with - Fuckin' Perfect. James Blunt and his new single - Stay the Night, very sweet song, but I'm not normally a huge fan of his. And the old favorites, The Proclaimers.

Reading - Marian Keyes, shitty chick lit but it's fun. That is simply all, right now.

Watching - I'm about to start watching Breaking Bad; my best friend recommended it for me (its a TV series). I also have an obsession with killer animal movies right now, you know, mutant piranhas, and crocodiles and snakes and all that. I love gore. I watched Repo Men the other day with the boy; brilliant performance by the sexy Jude Law and a great story line to boot. Pretty Little Liars is good mindless fun, as is Gossip Girl.

 
Buying - Housey stuff. You know, curtains, candles, lamps, all that jazz. I just moved out of home and into a cute beach side apartment with my boy. It needs all the TLC one can muster. Actually, right now I am avoiding cleaning as house is currently in similar resemblance to pit. Oh well.

Wanting - Books. A bookcase to put said books. Keith Richards new biography. The book that just came out that was written by an ex-girlfriend of Hugh Hefner. Fascinating stuff.

Trying - to think about quitting disgusting smoking habit. To walk my dog more often, and take her to the beach more, she loves it. To keep house clean. Is monumental effort. I'm also trying to find a job as I'm on currently on UNI break.

Loving - Going to sleep next to my man every night, and waking up to him every morning. Snuggles in the middle of the night. Making spaghetti and watching reruns of Charmed.  My dog. This new thing called gardening that I'm trying.

 
Planning -To create a garden with the tiny mount of space I have and plant some herbs. To quit smoking. And possibly planning to change uni courses. Not sure yet. 

uh - oh

I can feel the temptation rising in my veins. I need to break free, to run, to move, to shake. I am thinking of things I know I shouldn't. I pick up my phone, I ring and he doesn't answer and I breathe a sigh of relief; even though I called, I wasn't so sure I wanted to talk to him, REALLY talk to him. I feel like I'm in a never-ending loop of sleep; up ever so late, sleeping ever so late.. Waiting, anticipating, for I'm not sure what.

Reliving his fingers inside me last night; I feel ever so stupid but I do feel alive. Every so often I NEED to break free from my constraints that I put so heavily upon myself, and just accept the fact that I need to be human. Sometimes. 

Part of me craves the human affection I believe I need right now..  and the biggest part of my brain screams, RUN AWAY, now.. I am happy on my own.. I think. I have been told recently that I'm a commitment phobe.. I think this is true but my reasoning behind this is one of self-loathing.. I can't let anyone else in until I love and know myself completely and I don't see the huge problem in this. 

I am self aware enough now, to know I need this time to be alone. 

Hmm..

Question time! Post your answers below, s’il vous plaît!

[courtesy of galadarling]

1. Who is your favourite musician, NOT in terms of talent or aptitude, but based on pure sex appeal?

Jim Morrison. Man, was he sexual. He just exuded sex; I'll bet he smelt like sweat, leather and sex.. Mmmm.. Pity he was a train wreck.

2. What were some quirks of your past lovers that drove you crazy?

Not putting the toilet seat down. Cold feet, in my bed. Hogging of pillows. SNORING. Bad taste in movies. Being told I looked better without makeup; I like to wear it so SHUT IT!!

3. If there was a movie made about your life, what song would you absolutely INSIST be on the soundtrack?

Ironic - Alanis Morrissette and Someone Like You - Van Morrison; Perfect Day - Lou Reed

4. What is your favourite quote right now?

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."

"Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. " 

Both by John Lennon <3

you can't save the damsel, if she's in love with the distress.

Hearts will never be

 practical

Until they are made

 Unbreakable

--The Wizard Of Oz

wednesday; 2/06/2010

Listening - Jeff Buckley; haunting, he will always be a favorite. The Clash, in the car driving home from uni with my best friend.  Leonard Cohen; I'm dying to go see him. I want to go by myself; I need a good transcendental experience. The Kinks, as usual. 


Reading - I can happily say absolutely nothing! Just finished up uni for the semester; although I am going to be a nerd and read all my books for NEXT semester.. Exams are done and I have 2 months off. 

Watching - Downloading the Hurt Locker; Watched Brothers with Natalie Portman and Tobey Maguire; was pretty sad but very well done. Also watching the fourth season of Girls Next Door; and waiting for the third season of True Blood!!
 
Buying - food shopping; dried apple pieces; loads of chocolate milk hahaha!
 
Wanting - to have a decent sleep; not been sleeping very well of late; I believe it's due to exams but I can't keep chewing down Valerian; I'm going to overdose sooner or later.

Trying - To stay positive. To keep my chin up. To feel things again, deeply. To not fall back in love with an ex. To sleep. To be patient and tolerant and to not want to smoke weed.

Loving - My makeshift family; my dog, my mum and my best friend. My old friends from far away and long ago. <3
 
Planning - A night out soon. I want/need a drink soo badly, after exams I feel extremely tired and stressed. To buy myself a ticket to Leonard Cohen and go alone.

& we're not the same people we once were.

We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.

Tarot Readings; 30th of May

Card 2 (The Chariot) : What you most want at this moment  »

The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is success, to win and not give up the fight. You are successful and assertive in most things, or if you haven't quite got the success you want, you will get it. This is a time of movement and change - expect a journey relating to work, or if you want that car you've been looking at, go get it.

Card 4 (Death) : What is going for you  »

A time of absolute endings and brand new beginnings, your life is going through a period of great transformation. Whilst it may be difficult or even painful you will pull through. You will be free for a brand new phase in your life.